Self Talk

One of the things I've noticed I do a lot of is talk smack about my writing. Rarely do you ever hear me say I'm happy with the way the story is going.  I have an ongoing conversation in my head when I'm writing that usually involves the word "crap." No wonder I get to the point where facing the MS becomes a downer rather than a joy. Where does that come from? Whose voice am I internalizing?

 I don't remember my parents being overly critical. They had high expectations of my behavior and school work but I was never punished or spoken to in a harsh manner when I didn't achieve something. They mostly  taught by example. I have a suspicion that it might have been the nuns at the Catholic school I attended for seven years. Now, they were hard to please. God had high expectations and I internalized all of them. Perhaps its one of the reasons I can't forgive the Catholic Church today for the sex scandal and am no longer a Catholic. Or maybe it's the way they treat women and I have daughters - or their behavior in Rawanda - or ... well, that's a post for another day and another blog.

Back to the issue at hand. Negative Self-talk makes it feel like the mountain is too steep to climb. How in the world can I write a sellable book with all these discouraging, criticial, doubting voices in my head? I would never talk to my children like that. I believe in encouragement, support, positive messages. When they have a problem I brainstorm ways to solve the problem. I try to empower them to create their own lives the way they want them. To make smart decisions that reflect self-respect.

I have some health challenges that I've lived with for a long time. One of the coping mechanisms I use is to never give voice to the pain or illness. I've discovered that if I don't tell everyone how sick I am or how bad I feel, that I feel better. Moaning and whining and giving "voice" to it makes it worse. Brings it to the forefront of my consciousness and I start using it as an excuse to not do things and I dwell on it making it a bigger mountain to climb than it needs to be. Not acknowledging it really works. I know that's hard to believe but its an amazing and surprisingly easy coping tool.

So, I was thinking, what if I used the same technique for my writing?

What if I didn't give voice to the writing demons? the inner critic? What if, everytime I talked about my writing I stressed how well it was going? What if I focused on what was good? I love my characters. They are smart and witty and clever. Just like I visualized them to be. And my hero is HOT because I wrote him that way and it works. My sex scenes are amazing. Wow. I do a lot of things right.

So, my project this week is to not talk smack about my writing and to only speak well of it. Make myself believe.